Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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