Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
