dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
