fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize