you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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