Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
