question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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