Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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