i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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