Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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