oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
