Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
