Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
