She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
