Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
