Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
