Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
