You're completely useless in the revolution.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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