yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
