I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
