This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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