my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
