I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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