i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
