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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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