I cannot find my penis.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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