That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
