She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
