I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
