Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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