I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
