Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
