grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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