my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
