Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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