You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
