Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
