I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I AM VODKA MAN
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
