I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
