so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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