Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
