i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
