At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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