Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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