I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
