there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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