i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
