New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
