Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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