I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
