I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
