I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
