My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
