We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
