drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
