He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
