everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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