Where is the hickey?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
