And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
