I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
