I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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